School and NLD
I guess I’ll use this first post to talk about school and NLD and such.
In early school, I was seen as like, some sort of crazy genius. I had no social skills at all, but I was reading at a high college level. Apparently, this didn’t trip any flags for anyone in any counseling or teaching position. I couldn’t tie my shoes or ride a bike until fifth grade! I was typing at 100+wpm in elementary, yet I couldn’t write legibly with a penc
When I hit first grade, they noticed i was ahead in an area, and pushed me ahead to second. I breezed through that, did pretty well as I remember, and then they held me back when I moved. I don’t know if that triggered something like feeling cheated, but after that I stopped caring about school aside from computer work.
By fifth grade, I was barely going, not doing any homework, and lashing out at everyone around me. In sixth, I had no friends besides a girl I’ll mention in a bit and her little group.
Sixth is when I started seeing the counselors and all. None of them thought anything was wrong enough to say anything besides me acting troublesome, including one of them going out and telling people who were mocking me that I had mental issues, which I’m reasonably sure was a dick move.
I got shunted to a different school with an entirely different group of kids in seventh and eighth, and for some reason that got rid of all the stress and I was a mellow social type during those years. I had awful grades outside of exams and computer stuff, but I had friends, at least.
In ninth, I was put back with the old crowd, and all that fear came back. I stopped taking care of myself, stopped socializing, and stopped going most of the time. Somehow I dated that girl previously mentioned for a few months, but that ended terribly, leading to me being put into therapy. The therapist never connected the dots and somehow got ADD out of it all. She got replaced at the doctor’s office soon after, and I got off adderall and was put on Zoloft.
In tenth, I tried dating and going again, and eventually got off the zoloft because it was making me a terrible emotionless robot most of the time. I ended up on effexor, and ended up dropping out over the second breakup. I went to a remedial school, but that didn’t last long. I quit the effexor cold turkey because my health insurance ran out and dealt with brain shocks for months, and was scared out of trusting that sort of medicine.
For the next 8 years, I coasted. I got my GED as fast as was physically possible, then just sunk into this awful slump, assuming it was depression and anxiety. I’ll talk about my ways of dealing with that in another post.
The ways I dealt with it kind of dried up for a bit and I went a bit crazy, and ended up finding a psychiatrist in town and relating the above tale plus a bit more. Apparently I’m the poster child of NLD, and if it’d been caught, things would have been much better. I’m on prozac and adderall now. Ironically, if it hadn’t been for how adderall effects younger people differently, it probably would’ve done pretty well for me back when I was originally on it.
I’m still trying to learn to deal with it. The cocktail party speech thing mentioned on nldontheweb’s the worst symptom I have, followed by how I can’t learn anything. 😐 I can tinker with things and they’ll usually work, but knowledge doesn’t stick around long.
I wish someone had caught this earlier, and I wish there was more awareness of this. I need ideas on raising awareness.